PhD Dropout

About a year and a half ago I “came out” as a recovering alcoholic. In some (but not all!) circles, I was still regarded as a “good Christian young man.”

My shiny, gold-plated reputation did not fit neatly with that of a recovering alcoholic. 

I had often wondered if there were others like me out there. People who “believed” in God or called themselves Christians but felt trapped in addiction.

Sometimes I searched Google for answers. There was not much out there.

Shame is a tricky thing. It keeps people from talking about what’s really going on beneath that squeaky clean surface. 

I’m willing to bet there are millions of church-going, Christian alcoholics around the world. 

If they are anything like me, they would love to talk about their struggle with addiction…but they feel like they can’t for fear of judgment. Unfortunately, churches are not always the safest spaces to discuss real problems, and Christians are not always the most accepting people. 

Of course, there are exceptions. Some Christians are incredibly compassionate. Some churches are amazingly warm and accepting places. But there is a reason why the phrase “alcoholic Christian” sounds like a taboo: 

Because…it *is* a taboo in many Christian circles.

Recovery from alcoholism, and addiction more generally, is almost impossible if a person does not feel confident they can share their story without being met with icy stares of condemnation. 

Sharing my story was the most liberating experience of my life. I became proud of what once made me feel ashamed. The encouragement I received was nothing short of amazing.

I keep that blog post up because it still gets readers even though I have not blogged in a long time. Some readers reached out to share their own struggles and, sometimes, to ask for help. 

Inevitably, questions about God arise. In AA, belief that a higher power can restore us to sanity is foundational to the program of recovery. If you already believe in God, that’s not too far of a stretch. But if not, it’s a strange and difficult proposition to accept.

My next couple of posts will deal with how my understanding of God has changed during my sober journey, which began in 2017 and has entered its fifth continuous year. 

I don’t claim to know anything that other people don’t know.

I’m certainly not better than anyone else.

Most importantly, I’m never going to tell anyone what they should believe or how they should live their lives. 

All I have is my story. And since some people have asked me about it, I figure I’ll share my reflections. 

I used to believe in a god of glass. A fragile, delicate figurine who shattered as soon as things went wrong. This god was a mirror image of my life. 

If you’re interested, stay tuned for next time.